KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Recently, my 8yr old (turning) was diagnosed to be a precocious gal by the PD. We decided to seek our PD'shelp was becoz of some adult terms she used (to hurt herself) when she was severly reprimanded. On top of that, we found that she had behavioural problem in school based on the teacher's feedback. The teacher was puzzled why she became upset when her classmate was praised for a piece of gd work done. She also displayed authoritative attitude towards her classmate. Like when the teacher reprimands a classmate, she will follow-up with the classmate in front of the teacher.

Based on the quiet moments between the doc and her, the doc felt she is very mature for her age. In fact, we had the same comment when she was in N2. The doc felt as such, her peers may not be able to accept her well becoz she talks differently. The doc also found that she is an opinonated gal. The environment actually contributes largely to her emotional behaviours. She shared with the PD why her outburst at her classmate. She was very upset with this gal for awhile. So, when the teacher prasied the gal, she didn't think the gal deserve it as she had already formed her own opinion of this gal.

On her work, she has very poor attitude. She has to be pushed at to complete a task. When it comes to her NOT fav subject - maths, she switched off almost completely. She wldn't even analyze the problem sums. She simply won't do. Both her form and daycare teacher had confirmed it's not that she doesn't know. She juz doesn't want to put in the effort.

The PD wants to do an IQ test for her. We are not sure if it's necessary. Any views?

Can any parents share with me how they handle their kids who also hv this sign, pls?

Perhaps you should ask the PD how the IQ test can help your child find a diagnosis for her behaviour?

If there is direct and positive relevance to solve your problem, why not? If there are no solutions even after the IQ test, but just alluding her behaviour to her IQ being high and no conclusion as in talk only, then save this money. Honestly, as parents, you roughly know your child's IQ level.

Tazyspin wrote:The PD wants to do an IQ test for her. We are not sure if it's necessary. Any views?

Can any parents share with me how they handle their kids who also hv this sign, pls?

It could be that the PD wants to find out whether she is gifted. I have heard of kids who were tested to be gifted, and their parents took this as an excuse for their kids' behaviour.

However, whether a child is gifted or not, parents should always encourage and promote good behaviour. I believe that it is possible for gifted kids to be exceptionally well behaved and respectful too.

One suggestion is for parents to read lots of good children's books with the child, especially books that teach good behaviour.

Hi, didn't the pd explain? I think u should find out his reasons, and which test will be used, and who will be administering it. An iq test can help u gauge her mental age. The parents then have to work on helping the child manage the difference between her mental age and her emotional maturity. From the brief description, I would suggest working on empathy, flexibility and perceptions. It's helpful to go through situations with the child and discuss how others might view it, others' feelings, different way of intepreting the situation, reconciliation etc. If perfectionism is an issue, u have to shift the focus to efforts and see if the child needs strategies for dealing with anxieties.

Tazyspin wrote:Recently, my 8yr old (turning) was diagnosed to be a precocious gal by the PD. We decided to seek our PD'shelp was becoz of some adult terms she used (to hurt herself) when she was severly reprimanded. On top of that, we found that she had behavioural problem in school based on the teacher's feedback. The teacher was puzzled why she became upset when her classmate was praised for a piece of gd work done. She also displayed authoritative attitude towards her classmate. Like when the teacher reprimands a classmate, she will follow-up with the classmate in front of the teacher.

Based on the quiet moments between the doc and her, the doc felt she is very mature for her age. In fact, we had the same comment when she was in N2. The doc felt as such, her peers may not be able to accept her well becoz she talks differently. The doc also found that she is an opinonated gal. The environment actually contributes largely to her emotional behaviours. She shared with the PD why her outburst at her classmate. She was very upset with this gal for awhile. So, when the teacher prasied the gal, she didn't think the gal deserve it as she had already formed her own opinion of this gal.

On her work, she has very poor attitude. She has to be pushed at to complete a task. When it comes to her NOT fav subject - maths, she switched off almost completely. She wldn't even analyze the problem sums. She simply won't do. Both her form and daycare teacher had confirmed it's not that she doesn't know. She juz doesn't want to put in the effort.

The PD wants to do an IQ test for her. We are not sure if it's necessary. Any views?

Can any parents share with me how they handle their kids who also hv this sign, pls?

Pointless to ask around for views over here because none of us are professionals in this area. No one knows the situations more than you as a parent to your child. You are suspicious of your child’s behavior but yet afraid to know the truth.

Go for the IQ test. It will put your mind at ease. Whatever the outcome will be, work out from there instead of wasting your time pondering or wondering if your girlie need an IQ test. I always believe that a woman, who went through so much during pregnancy and childbirth already, naturally she will extend much more help and love for that child afterbirth. Do not deprive your child from making a step forward in the future by your suspicions.

My child is exactly like yours. I was too tired listening to many blah, blah, blah and blahs from experienced parents that all kids will go through that. I want to help my child but these good intention parents are not helping at all by easing my mind. They are not professional in this area in the first place and they are not who handle the frustrations in place of me. Easy said than done for them, as the saying.

I got my child tested and he’s A-OK. He’s not motivated at all only. So, I worked from there to motivate my child because all along I didn't believe in forcing a child, but through this incident, I learnt that all kids are different. Some needs to be motivated before completing the task, and some don’t. Simple as that. Money well spent!

You are not feeling at ease, and that's why you are asking for opinions over here. Go, go and get a professional to ease your worries. Work from there after the result. No big deal really. Parenthood is such, anyway.

hi Tazyspin

I think the PD is not the best person to get help. I'm afraid there is no disorder known as "a precocious child".

For diagnosis, seek advice from a child psychiatrist.
For treatment, seek help from a counsellor, psychologist or therapist.

If there is self-injury, an IQ test can't solve any problems.


If the problem is not serious enough (in your view), you can read up or attend parenting courses.

To me, being mature means being able to control one's feelings and adjust to the social & situational demands. Being able to talk eloquently but insisting that one is right (unable to accept alternative views) is being emotionally immature. There may be underlying problems with low self-esteem, insecurity, personality disorders, learning disorders, unresolved trauma/bullying, etc.

Hope this helps.

Hi All,

Thanx for reading my concern. Being precocious is not a disorder. Juz that they think more advance then peers their age.

Perhaps I didn't write properly that some had perceive I wasn't trying to take the IQ test to see if my child is gifted. I am not the KS singaporean lar! I don't need a gifted child. I need healthy & happy growing kiddos!

Anyhow, the PD who recommended the IQ test is a child phsycharist (Snr Consultant) in NUH. As he hv not gotten to know my gal on the first day, tt was y he suggested the IQ test. During the 2nd mtg, he told us she is not required to becoz he doesn't think it has anything to do with that. In fact, as a doc he does not that even encourage IQ test to be taken at all unless REALLY nec. Usually he discourage parents. He referred her to an educational doc instead.

We juz saw the edu doc. She assessed that my gal is an above average gal. Underlying problem is social skills in school. She was shocked that a sociable and well spoken gal only have 1 friend since Pri 1. If anyone of you speak to my gal, you wldn't think she has this problem in school. Sadly she does....There is this particular gal in school tt on gd days will let my gal play w the group. On bad days, she will ignore or not let her join them. Imagine, everyday she have to ask this gal if she can play with them or be their friends. Anyhow, I've already spoken tot he teacher and hope to find out more what's the problem between this gal & my gal.

Will share w all further.

Cheers!

Tazyspin wrote: If anyone of you speak to my gal, you wldn't think she has this problem in school. Sadly she does....There is this particular gal in school tt on gd days will let my gal play w the group. On bad days, she will ignore or not let her join them. Imagine, everyday she have to ask this gal if she can play with them or be their friends. Anyhow, I've already spoken tot he teacher and hope to find out more what's the problem between this gal & my gal.

Will share w all further.

Cheers!

Hi Tazyspin, thank you for your sharing and updates. My DD1 had the same problem with this gal at her ex-CCC too. Unfortunately the form teachers changed so frequently that none was able to identify the real reason behind..

I made it a point to pick up my gals around the same timing as that gal. As usual I linger around at the compound awhile and not rush them to leave as soon as I arrive. I do suspect that the gal is simply a bully as I've seen her and how she talks to others.

We can then teach our kiddo how to handle such bullies....

Do keep us posted. And good luck, I know it is soo very troubling.

Tazyspin wrote:Hi All,

Thanx for reading my concern. Being precocious is not a disorder. Juz that they think more advance then peers their age.

Perhaps I didn't write properly that some had perceive I wasn't trying to take the IQ test to see if my child is gifted. I am not the KS singaporean lar! I don't need a gifted child. I need healthy & happy growing kiddos!

Anyhow, the PD who recommended the IQ test is a child phsycharist (Snr Consultant) in NUH. As he hv not gotten to know my gal on the first day, tt was y he suggested the IQ test. During the 2nd mtg, he told us she is not required to becoz he doesn't think it has anything to do with that. In fact, as a doc he does not that even encourage IQ test to be taken at all unless REALLY nec. Usually he discourage parents. He referred her to an educational doc instead.

We juz saw the edu doc. She assessed that my gal is an above average gal. Underlying problem is social skills in school. She was shocked that a sociable and well spoken gal only have 1 friend since Pri 1. If anyone of you speak to my gal, you wldn't think she has this problem in school. Sadly she does....There is this particular gal in school tt on gd days will let my gal play w the group. On bad days, she will ignore or not let her join them. Imagine, everyday she have to ask this gal if she can play with them or be their friends. Anyhow, I've already spoken tot he teacher and hope to find out more what's the problem between this gal & my gal.

Will share w all further.

Cheers!

Hi Tazyspin mummy

Why do the doctors mention (in so associating) intellect or IQ (being precious & above average) with her behv & social problems in school?

There are sensitive children who worry abt things in the world or are opinionated. They don't challenge teachers publicly. They complete homework dutifully. Some are intelligent and sensible/mature. IMHO worrying abt world issues is abt awareness, not necessarily maturity or intelligence.

A child who may be bullied, should still have some friends as there are at least 25 children in 1 class. Other children avoid associating with her for some other reasons. Peers may perceive her as being bossy or in some other negative ways.

I'm a therapist. When I handle kids of lawyers, I have to be on high alert. They speak & rationalise very well cos they can out-talk an average adult. Bottomline - I feel that some of the talk is just task avoidance, or lack of respect for others. In some cases, the children are insecure as they are unable to form meaningful peer relationships or handle responsibility. Such kids do perceive things differently. A layperson may call it low EQ.

I think it'll be helpful to speak to a professional paediatric counsellor if you feel that there are emotional/social issues. Of course, it's impt to speak to the teacher rgd possible bullying as your girl is still very young & seems unable to handle the issue.

regards
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