KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

My boy which is 10 years old have been going for weekly OT sessions for almost 3 years. Other than his motor skill improved. I am still constantly received calls from school complaining on his behaviours (such as short attention spans for subjects that he is not interested, using inapprociate words in the class etc.
Any mummy would like to share with me if they have older boy that have overcome this situation?

Thanks!

My DD is currently undergoing Interactive Metronome 3-4 times a week with her OT which is supposed to help her with her attention deficit. We planned it during the school hols and it's supposed to help her with her attention. We are halfway through and I can see improvement in her attention and interest. She can sit through her 2-hour tuition class and generally quite well-behaved. Previously, she would go to the toilet every 30mins and starting dreaming and doodling.

to be honest, i don't think behaviour like inappropriate words has much to do directly with motor skills. my son now 8 had spd and didn't use inappropriate words when he was younger. Now that his motor skills have improved greatly, and he is in a school environment, he uses a lot of inappropriate words. It is really common among the boys, especially as they move to upper primary. I think it's in part the stress of the impending PSLE and the increased workload. They feel really resentful, and caged up (esp given the energy levels of boys!) towards adults.

Some things that I have tried and has had some impact:
- taking away priviledges like going to friends' house and important toys;
- rephrasing, giving him more appropriate words to express himself;
- I recently started doing "situation autopsy" with him,using the method by Lavoie which I find is very respectful towards a boy's pride;
- discussing why the older boys may be so aggresive or cursing all the time in the school bus; conversely, the importance of using appropriate words for important situations like interviews; we also have an open policy when I will not fault him the first time he uses a new vulgar word but instead I will explain the meaning to him, thereafter he is no longer excused;
- asking the teacher to speak to the students about not using vulgar words.

Rest assured that your son is not unusual in this sense. I see a lot of primary school boys in my neighbourhood. Some even start throwing stones at animals as they near the major exams, so I feel that being able to handle stress is another part of the equation.

I faces similar complains too!

My boy is 7 years old also and uses inappropriate tones and words. Teachers in school and his student care have been complaining since day one that he's rude and his behaviour does not belong to the "normal" category

I'm also trying out with different ways, hoping to see some improvements in him. I guess boys will always be boys. Just hoping that teachers are able to see it this way too

He is using inappropriate words when his classmates tease him whether is in class or in the school bus. He is unable to control his behaviour when he is been stirred.

Naturally there will be some provocation in the first place and our kids are more reactive than others, I agree. What I mean to say is that I don't think OT is the full answer. My intermediate measures are what I outlined above.

I believe in neural conditioning - the more one flares up, the more easily one will flare up over time. Conversely the more one practices patience or tolerance, the more easily it will come over time. Some experienced mothers told me the same observation - basically that anger and irritation can become a bad habit, like a habitual reaction - and as I read up more, I realized the wisdom of their words. I work on breaking the negative cycle and building in better responses. When my son was coming home in a bad mood constantly, I offered to take him out of the school bus once a week, and I found too that I can change his mood by playing music that he likes just before he steps through the door. I also told him to go to the library when he feels it is too much to handle, and I told the teacher the same thing. He is not allowed to go to the playground on bad days, but I will still take him cycling at a quiet place to let him experience some stillness while expending his energy.

I look for male role models in his external teachers - swimming, music, taekwando. They are calm and attentive and I think taekwando has been helpful in reinforcing our goals of self mastery.

It is an ongoing journey, but I believe it will be well worth the effort as our boys transit into teenage hood.

By the way, some teachers are understanding and may help to improve the classroom situations by changing seating arrangement. My son hates constant chatter and was very unhappy at one stage. After speaking to the teacher, she realized it was the seating arrangement and moved him away from a group of chatty girls so he felt less harassed afterwards.