KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

24hr-mum wrote:And does the child know he or she has adhd? Should we tell?

I'm equally baffled. I guess the highlight is that child has serious behavioural and learning difficulties. Sometimes some kids, esp boys, more active/distracted. I think it's normal. Slow learner just take their time to learn, no need to go through therapy. But diagnosis might set your mind at ease. My boy is quite active but looks absolutely normal to me. I send him for diagnosis hopefully doctors will clear him as 'normal' so school will step up to manage him. Of course i also reinforce discipline at home lah. But apparently doctors are keen on 'labeling' him and advised intervention before diagnosis. So that teachers empathize and understand he has 'some problems' instead of judging him as 'naughty'. Quite sad to see that teachers now need reports to have empathy. Guess I should do some reflection as a teacher myself.

My boy has bn hvg issues eg figetg n hyper n easily distractd since young but in sec1 his signs r becoming too obvious to dismiss as jus being a boy or young boy. He was super addictd to handphone gaming whc resulted in neglect of health, studies, n rebelliousness n violence. Upon assessmt he was diagnosed w adhd.

The tell tale signs r
No sense of time absolutely
Eg 1 hr bef class he ask to go friend hse

Instant gratification...no regard for consequences..

Cant force himsf to focus on things boring but necessary

Need to fiddle with something when doing things he doesnt like

Hyperfocus on things that interest him

Impulsive...hits when angry....cannot control

At sec1 i can no longer say...oh he is stil young so he has no issues....

24hr-mum wrote:And does the child know he or she has adhd? Should we tell?

This depends on the age and maturity of the child. I have a daughter who has learning disabilities including ADD-like traits, but not ADHD), and I didn't tell her a "label" until she was about 13yo. Even then, I only told her in very broad terms. My aim was to increase her self-awareness so she realised that she was weak in those areas and would have to put in extra effort. Of course, I balanced it with telling her what I saw as her strong areas, so she didn't feel that everything was wrong with her. As she grew up, we explained more, and we hope that she accepts it as a part of herself (just as people have to accept that they are musical, athletic, detailed, sociable, reserved, clumsy etc).

When she was younger, I also did tell her that she was weaker in some areas compared to others, and worked with her to train herself, and devise ways to help her in class, at home etc. We focused on the behavioural aspects, and tried to strike a reasonable balance between asking her to try her best to change or control her behaviour, while also asking teachers (and ourselves too) to make some allowances for her.

mylulaoshi wrote:I'm equally baffled. I guess the highlight is that child has serious behavioural and learning difficulties. Sometimes some kids, esp boys, more active/distracted. I think it's normal. Slow learner just take their time to learn, no need to go through therapy. But diagnosis might set your mind at ease. My boy is quite active but looks absolutely normal to me. I send him for diagnosis hopefully doctors will clear him as 'normal' so school will step up to manage him. Of course i also reinforce discipline at home lah. But apparently doctors are keen on 'labeling' him and advised intervention before diagnosis. So that teachers empathize and understand he has 'some problems' instead of judging him as 'naughty'. Quite sad to see that teachers now need reports to have empathy. Guess I should do some reflection as a teacher myself.

I think doctors sometimes find that parents (I don't mean you specifically) also don't take such traits seriously when the child is young unless there is a "label". Whether it's "just naughtiness" or a learning disability, it's still necessary for parents to instill discipline and do behavioural management (which is what "therapy" is, but you have to pay for it). When parents don't try to impose that discipline and manage behaviour when the child is young, precious time is lost. When the child is older, these things take more time to change, and the consequences are often greater. Personally, I don't think the diagnosis is necessary if parents and teachers address the issues as early as possible, but if either don't take it seriously, then a diagnosis may make them do so.

I have a friend who is the guardian of a 20yo girl whose parents are overseas and sent the girl (with mild ADHD) back to Singapore last year. It seems that the parents didn't do much in the way of training, but instead just made sure that they picked up after the girl and protected her from facing most of the consequences of her behaviour. My friend is doing her best now to help the girl be more disciplined, stay on task, comply with the requirements of her course etc, but sometimes has to step in more than she thinks is good, otherwise the girl might miss deadlines or fail tests/assignments, and the consequences are much more serious at this level than they would have been in primary school.

Any1 tried neurofeedback?

Its tough to tell the sufferer what is wrong with them, especially if it is psychologically inclined, and the sufferer is a child who has limited experience. All of us parents feel responsible for our children and will become experts in dealing with their problems quickly. But it is still best for the sufferer to come to terms with his/her condition and to handle it themselves. Only then will the concept of "self-help" take root.

Yup. Solving problems related to ADHD frequently requires one to have a minimal level of self-awareness... and for that to happen, one might have to be taught explicitly what to look out for i.e. what to be aware of.

Hi, may I ask how is ADHD diagnosed?
Anyone encounter by doing the questionnaire and the overall results from parents indicates have but the teacher's questionnaire overall indicates don't have (just inattention and my son's difficulties affect his grades and schoolwork often) ?

blurblueberry wrote:Hi, may I ask how is ADHD diagnosed?
Anyone encounter by doing the questionnaire and the overall results from parents indicates have but the teacher's questionnaire overall indicates don't have (just inattention and my son's difficulties affect his grades and schoolwork often) ?

Typically, a psychological assessment is needed to show whether or not your child might be at risk of having ADHD. A questionnaire might suggest it, but it is more a rough gauge, like a screening test.

Thanks for your reply.
Initially, my son only went for dyslexia assessment and the psychologist told me he has ADHD too.
So after the parent and teacher questionnaire and the psychologist report indicates my son has ADHD, it's based on his assessment, right?