Lynn2 wrote:Hi The Alternative Story
Wanna check with u this.
I have a pri five girl.She reads widely and the teacher told me she writes beautifully.But, to me I feel that she just lack something.Her compo is always around the range 30 to 34 over 50.May I know how we can help her to improve further?She loves writing.
Just a check, is it 34 over 40 or over 50? Because the composition component is over 40 and the situational is over 15 so total marks for paper 1 is 55.
If her composition is around the range of 30-34 over 40, then she is writing very well. She probably has a wide range of vocabulary usage. She definitely has no problem with her grammar as well to get over 30 marks.
However, in order to score above 35, (we do know of students being able to get even as high as 39 in the PSLE from some of our previous experiences as teachers) your child would need to improve in the plot development and probably use writing skills then can hook the reader in. So her writing does not just look good but it has the ability to get hook the reader.
For example (for drowning):
("Jie Jie," my brother called out to me as I walked to the deckchair to get my goggles. Turning around, I saw to my horror, my 3 year old brother toddle out of the baby pool and began to make his way to the adult pool where he could see some children playing.
"No!" I shouted, fear making my voice squeak. My brother smiled his toothy grin at me and before I could run to him, he jumped into the adult pool. His happy grin was replaced by a confused look as he realised that he could not touch the ground.
I shrugged off my bathrobe and dived into the pool. The pool was serene, seemingly unaware of the drama unfolding in it. I could see my brother thrashing about. His tiny legs pumped up and down helplessly as he struggled to get air. I had to get to my brother, I had to. Almost there, I was almost there when a sudden intense pain made me almost double in pain. A leg cramp! Another intense bolt of pain ripped through my leg. I reached out to try to get my brother but the pain was unbearable. Surfacing for a quick gasp of air, I scanned the area for adults. No one. There was no one about except for a few young children happily laughing away.)
This short extract here is one where the reader will feel the urgency of the situation and the reader wants to read on to find out how the story ends, that is successful 'tension development'. It may not be overflowing with good vocabulary but the vocabulary used is appropriate to get the story across. Many children cram in as many good vocabulary phrases to try to score points but then their writing has a very unnatural feel to it and the reader is not able to get hooked as he needs to wade past a lot of phrases to get to the story.
If you have any more questions, you can ask us or you could write our part of your daughter's writing here and we could try to see what the problem is and how to help further enhance her writing.