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What would you most like your child to gain from secondary school life?
In a recent <a href="https://www.facebook.com/familiesforlife.sg/videos/130084611947197" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">webinar</a> by Northland Secondary principal Tan Siew Woon, she shared that parents have commonly expressed a wish for their children to become more confident and independent while in secondary school. Perhaps some other desires might be for children to develop their career interests, build their communication and leadership skills, and get a good grounding in values that will guide their way in adulthood.
Note that these are all big-picture goals, as opposed to the narrower view that parents have been accustomed to in the primary school years. Parents will have to get used to the shift in perspective, where the focus is no longer about how to write a “model” composition, or how to use the right “keywords” when answering a science question. Further, familiar subjects will be covered in greater depth, and new subjects will be introduced. Parents who have previously overseen every aspect of their children’s school work will find it much more challenging to maintain the same level of involvement during the secondary school years.
As a result, for some parents, secondary school is the time to step back, wean their children off tuition, and let their children develop independent study skills. This would be the ideal situation because an excessive reliance on tutoring is unhealthy and financially unsustainable — these funds could go towards your child’s tertiary years instead.
So the big question remains: what is a parent’s role during a child’s secondary school years, and how can we best prepare our teens for this new journey? Below, we highlight four key areas that parents can oversee, to ensure that teens are well-equipped to make the most of their secondary school experience.
<h4>Don’t Take Extended Breaks</h4>
The school holidays are a time for rest, but sadly, long breaks can also undo all the work that teachers (and students) have put in during the school term.
US-based studies have<a href="https://www.brookings.edu/research/summer-learning-loss-what-is-it-and-what-can-we-do-about-it/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> suggested</a> that students could lose up to a month’s worth of learning during the summer holidays, and that these losses were more pronounced for math than for reading, and more obvious at the higher grade levels.
The learning gap between students from higher- and lower-income families could also widen during vacations, as students from higher-income families are more likely to continue engaging in learning activities, compared to students from families with fewer resources.
That said, these studies are based on the US school year, where the summer break is about 10 to 11 weeks long. In comparison, students in local secondary schools have shorter vacation periods — the June holidays are only four weeks long, whereas the year-end vacation is about six weeks long.
Nevertheless, any extended break in learning can potentially lead to math learning loss, and this is due to the fact that kids will typically have<a href="https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/16/06/summer-math-loss" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> less time</a> to engage in mathematical thinking during the school holidays.
<a href="https://www.thelearninglab.com.sg/info/class-registration/?utm_source=partnerships_tll_20tlllgt1reg__editorialbanner__ksp" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><img onerror="kspReplaceCdn(this)" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-92728" src="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/20-Nov-KSP.gif" alt="" width="336" height="280" /></a>
If your child is taking a second or third language in school, a break could also be detrimental to your child’s progress, especially if your family doesn’t speak the language at home. Anecdotally, it’s not uncommon to hear of language teachers bemoaning their students’ loss of vocabulary after a learning break of several weeks.
As a parent, what you can do is talk to your teen about how he or she would like to spend the school holidays. Does your teen want to pursue any interests, or spend time with friends? How much relaxation time is considered enough, and do you have rules about screen time? When it comes to school work, is your teen willing to set aside a few hours a week for tutoring or self-learning, e.g. online research that may help him or her to better understand the next year’s material? Structure is beneficial for most people, so your teen will have a more fulfilling holiday — and an easier time switching back to the routine of school — if there are plans in place.
<h4>Learn Through Questioning</h4>
If your child is to do without a tutor for any subject, he or she must learn to maximise the time spent in the classroom. Check with any teacher and you’ll probably find out that the better-performing students tend to ask more questions in class to clarify doubts, and they don’t wait till right before the exams to do this!
As for what sorts of questions to ask in the classroom — it’s not about asking “smart” questions, but asking questions to better understand what the teacher is saying. Even simple clarifying questions such as “Can you repeat what you just said?” or “What does that term mean?” are very helpful for making sense of new material.
If your teen has a basic understanding of what has been taught in class, you can then explore some questioning frameworks together. For instance, it’s useful to formulate questions while one is doing revision, in order to check one’s understanding, or to identify learning gaps and areas for further exploration that one can then consult a teacher for. (See a simple example of a questioning framework <a href="https://www.edutopia.org/article/teaching-students-how-ask-productive-questions" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>.)
To make asking questions a habit, create a culture of questioning at home or with your social networks. One way to do this is to bring up fresh topics of interest at the dinner table on a regular basis, and let your child see you asking different types of questions for better understanding, to make connections, to highlight inconsistencies or inaccuracies, and to introduce alternative viewpoints and ideas.
<h4>Seek Growth Opportunities Beyond The Classroom</h4>
Signing up for a CCA (co-curricular activity) is compulsory during the secondary school years. It would be a mistake to view this as a waste of time, or to let your teen opt for an “easy” or “relaxing” CCA just to fulfil minimum requirements.
On the other hand, some teens and parents feel that CCAs are pointless if one is not representing the school. Apart from <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/cca-bonus-points-what-parents-need-to-know-about-leaps-2-0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CCA bonus points</a>, it’s true that much can be gained from being on a school team where you train intensively for competitions and deal with the pressure of having to perform and compete against others. It’s unfortunate that not every teen can be exposed to an activity at this level, but even picking up something for leisure has its benefits too. If your teen can have fun for two hours a week learning a new skill or sport, that is a valuable experience, as it helps your teen to feel a greater sense of joy and belonging within the school community.
If you truly feel that there are not enough growth opportunities for your teen within the school — i.e. he or she has not secured a class or school leadership position, and is only involved in a CCA at the recreational level — you may want to look beyond the school for activities that your teen can grow in. Ask your teen if there is something that he or she would like to learn, and look for an enrichment school or club that offers exposure opportunities through showcases, performances, or competitions. If your teen is particularly interested in world affairs, you can help him or her to link up with like-minded teens through events such as <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/model-united-nations-a-secondary-1-student-shares-her-experience/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Model United Nations</a>. For teens with a nurturing heart, get them involved in volunteer work or peer tutoring, which offer rich learning experiences as well.
If your teen is interested, he or she can enrol in the<a href="http://www.nyaa.org/faqs.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> National Youth Achievement Award (NYAA)</a> programme, which is helpful for securing CCA bonus points as well. This is a self-development programme available to young people in Singapore between the ages of 13 and 30. The programme’s activities (which your teen will take on in his or her own time) are designed to provide young people with a platform to develop personal qualities and skills to make a difference to themselves and the community at large. To find out more, your teen can either enquire with the school’s designated NYAA coordinator (if there is one), or get in touch with the NYAA Council directly.
<h4>Friends Matter</h4>
Friendships are pivotal in the teen years, and you will want to have open conversations with your teen, to make sure that he or she can tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
If your teen comes to you for advice on a friendship’s <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201609/3-questions-ask-yourself-about-every-relationship" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">viability</a>, try this three-question test: 
<ol>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Do I feel lighter being with this person?</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Do I feel encouraged?</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Do I feel valued?</li>
</ol>
If your teen answers “yes” to all three questions, the friendship is likely a healthy one. “No” answers may indicate that the friendship is a strain on your teen’s emotional resources, and if it doesn’t improve, a decision may have to be made to cut the negative friend loose.
Typically, parents are also worried about negative peer influence, and they may hope to see their teens befriending others who are studious, obedient, and generally from similar backgrounds. However, this could actually be limiting for a teen. Having a diverse group of friends ensures that one is exposed to a variety of ideas and experiences — if we are assessing our teen’s friends, we should be looking at their hearts, and not at their abilities or backgrounds. 
Finally, don’t forget that friendship is a two-way street. Is your teen being a good friend to others? If your teen is having trouble making or retaining friends, you can use <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">this checklist</a> to kick off discussions with your teen about how to be a better friend.
Is your child unhappy over school allocation? Read a <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/surviving-the-big-leap-from-primary-to-secondary-school/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">counsellor’s advice</a> for helping your child to accept his or her new secondary school.

You’re Not In Primary School Anymore: The Secret To Succeeding At Secondary School

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<?xml encoding="UTF-8"><html><body><div id="attachment_92687" style="width: 2107px" class="wp-caption alignnone"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-92687" onerror="kspReplaceCdn(this)" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-92687" src="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-scaled.jpg" alt="" width="2097" height="2560" srcset="https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-scaled.jpg 900w, https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-800x977.jpg 800w, https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-320x391.jpg 320w, https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-1258x1536.jpg 1258w, https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u170058/hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash-1678x2048.jpg 1678w" sizes="(max-width: 2097px) 100vw, 2097px">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@helloimnik?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Hello I&rsquo;m Nik &#127902;</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></div>Worried about your child&rsquo;s prospects after the Primary School Leaving Examination?
This year&rsquo;s PSLE results will be released on Wednesday, 25 November 2020. It&rsquo;s natural to be both excited and jittery &mdash; even parents who are normally relaxed about results should feel at least a tinge of anxiety leading up to the big reveal, especially if this is the family&rsquo;s first PSLE experience.
It&rsquo;s also inevitable that one might have expectations about the outcome of the PSLE, i.e. your child&rsquo;s grades. In different families, &ldquo;doing well&rdquo; or &ldquo;doing badly&rdquo; can mean entirely different things. For a child who has been thriving in primary school, a disappointing performance could be one that doesn&rsquo;t allow him or her to qualify for the Integrated Programme/IP or a dream secondary school. For families with struggling learners, the fear may be that a child will fail to qualify for the Normal (Technical) stream, with limited options for progression.
As parents, what we do and say to support our children at this juncture could be crucial to their self-esteem and motivation in the teen years. If you haven&rsquo;t yet had a conversation with your child about the PSLE results, it&rsquo;s helpful to begin discussions before D-day. (Read our <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/how-to-help-kids-ease-anxiety-before-the-psle-results/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">guide</a> on helping children to deal with anxiety over the PSLE results.)
Prior to Results Day, how should you broach the topic of results with your children? The most straightforward way is to outline the possibilities, which can be summed up as:
<ol>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Disappointing results: This would be the situation that everyone dreads, but it&rsquo;s also where your parenting matters most. Your overall message should be that this is not the end of the world, as there will be new experiences, new friends, and new opportunities to look forward to.&nbsp;</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Expected results: Celebrate and proceed according to plan!</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400">Better-than-expected results: Celebrate and enjoy the wider range of choices!</li>
</ol>
When discussing potential outcomes with your child, what you should look out for is a gap between expectations and reality. For instance, a child may be hoping against hope to qualify for the Express stream to be with friends, when he or she is more likely to make it to the Normal (Academic)/N(A) or Normal (Technical)/N(T) stream. There could also be a gulf between a parent&rsquo;s expectations of a &ldquo;good&rdquo; score, and what a child perceives as a satisfactory score.
Another possible scenario is that a child may have some &ldquo;magic&rdquo; number in mind. For example, he or she could be hoping to score above 260 in this final <a href="https://www.ifaq.gov.sg/seab/apps/fcd_faqmain.aspx?qst=hRhkP9BzcBImsx2TBbssMsxu7lqt6UJK70a1wAEVmyfdSZlp3kC3qEU1uwdD2zxBC8h26bwjs%2FIwvamUXpJQllIbGr3zfx%2Fg6R5G3kQwdaBqrmc6VVtGVreSd34s3fzQd2XjpEaXHjFH9k4Aky4ad22Tv9ZVP3e82AhV2YIeMwaGIBKFIrvh5zfUcyEdjkBGvw8b%2Bh1woqMmu1%2FCwl6UK4xSGccfs%2FuC2rGMLPsW7lE%3D#FAQ_93280" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PSLE T-score</a> year, which based on past experience, is practically a free-for-all pass to the top secondary schools in Singapore. Such children could be upset if they are off by a mark or two, and sometimes, this is a mindset shared by parents as well. It&rsquo;s easy to brush off the disappointments of higher-performing students, but their feelings are equally valid, and they need to be addressed.
In terms of score predictions, the best guess or estimate that you would have is your child&rsquo;s letter grade results from the school&rsquo;s preliminary examinations. Any T-score predictions that you try to make will probably not be accurate or helpful. Instead, focus on &ldquo;good&rdquo; outcomes that the family can wholeheartedly celebrate, such as improved grades, a score that will comfortably allow your child to qualify for a desired school, or a score that lets your child study in a stream that is suited to his or her learning abilities. The objective is to find something worthy of celebrating at the end of the day, so don&rsquo;t set the bar too high.
Making the effort to define a &ldquo;good&rdquo; outcome in advance can help you and your child to avoid tension and heartache when the actual results are out. On Results Day, be mindful not to preach or lecture, as nothing can be changed. Give your child a hug, and even if you feel the situation is dire, remind yourself that your child has completed a milestone, and that in itself is worth celebrating.
Read on for more concerns that parents may have after Results Day, and how best to deal with them.
<h4>My Child Can&rsquo;t Qualify For N(T)&nbsp;</h4>
Under the current (and new) PSLE system, students who are <a href="https://www.moe.gov.sg/microsites/psle-fsbb/psle/faqs.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">not eligible</a> for the N(T) stream will have to repeat the PSLE, or progress to <a href="https://www.nls.edu.sg/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">NorthLight School</a> or <a href="https://www.aps.edu.sg/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Assumption Pathway School</a>. If this should be the case for your child, please talk to your child&rsquo;s principal or teachers when you have the opportunity, as they would be the best people to advise you on your next steps.
For better context, <a href="https://beta.moe.gov.sg/secondary/s1-posting/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">download</a> MOE&rsquo;s latest &ldquo;Choosing Your Secondary Schools&rdquo; booklet, which contains the cut-off scores for N(T) streams in 2019. For instance, at Montfort Secondary School, affiliated students with scores of 111 were accepted into the N(T) stream, while for non-affiliates, the cut-off was 127 points. Once this year&rsquo;s PSLE results are out, this book would be your best resource to gauge which schools your child might be able to qualify for.
Sometimes, a poor showing at the PSLE is not solely due to a child&rsquo;s learning issues &mdash; the family&rsquo;s situation may have contributed as well. However, if you are an involved parent providing a fairly stable home environment, do take heart that NorthLight and Assumption Pathway are by no means the end of the road for your child. For instance, <a href="https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/education/more-northlight-students-making-it-to-tertiary-institutions" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">45 percent</a> of Northlight&rsquo;s students eventually move on to the Institute of Technical Education, and from there, some have gone on to the polytechnics as well. You will have a tremendous role to play in ensuring that your child doesn&rsquo;t lose hope in the future. Talk about your own experiences with failure and how you overcame challenges, and share <a href="https://www.tnp.sg/news/singapore-news/second-times-charm-student-who-failed-psle-last-year" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">stories of PSLE resilience</a> with your child, to help him or her realise that others have walked in the same shoes and triumphed.
<h4>My Child Can&rsquo;t Qualify For His/Her Preferred Stream</h4>
Kids and parents do get upset when they realise that a certain stream is out of reach, be it N(A), Express, or the IP. But regardless of the placement outcome for your child, please know that there is flexibility within our education system &mdash; this is something you can highlight to your child.&nbsp;
At the same time, do be realistic about your child&rsquo;s optimal pace of learning. For instance, if he or she learns best at a slower pace, there is no need to chase after the &ldquo;prestige&rdquo; of being in the Express stream. Instead, embrace the extra year to develop sound study habits and build a firm knowledge foundation, and your child can still go on to thrive in a tertiary institution after that.&nbsp;
But of course, if your child wishes to set an ambitious goal, by all means, show your full support. Schools will monitor the progress of students, and those who do well may be given the opportunity for lateral transfers, or to do selected subjects at a higher level. For instance, schools that offer the IP do provide entry opportunities to Secondary 2 students &mdash; it&rsquo;s no easy path but it&rsquo;s still a chance to gain entry. And within the Secondary 1 year, students who are placed in N(A) or N(T) and do well may be allowed to do selected subjects at the Express or N(A) level respectively. They could also transfer to a more demanding course, if they demonstrate that they are able to cope with the curriculum.&nbsp;
Going forward, as <a href="https://www.moe.gov.sg/news/press-releases/one-secondary-education--many-subject-bands--28-secondary-schools-to-pilot-full-subject-based-banding" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Subject Based Banding</a> becomes the norm, students are less likely to be subject to labelling, and this will hopefully lead to healthier attitudes about learning.
<h4>My Child Qualified For Express With A Borderline Score</h4>
Sometimes, parents whose children have narrowly qualified for the Express stream view this as a mixed blessing, as they may not be happy with the selection of schools open to their children. If you are in this position, please take note, as other parents have made this mistake before: if your child&rsquo;s Eligibility Letter does NOT state that your child can choose between Express and N(A), you can&rsquo;t make this decision on your own. Choosing what you think are &ldquo;better&rdquo; N(A) schools for your child will only result in all your choices being struck out, and your child will be assigned to the nearest Express school with a vacancy.
Also, do consider your child&rsquo;s feelings &mdash; qualifying for the Express stream is something worth celebrating, so please don&rsquo;t make it seem that your child is lowest in the pecking order. Even if the selection of schools is small, there is still a choice. Visit the school websites (or e-open houses) with your child, talk to staff if you can, and see if you can link up with current students and their parents. Turn the search into a positive adventure for you and your child, so that he or she can look forward to a fresh start next year.
<h4>My Child Is 1 Or 2 Points Shy Of Qualifying For His/Her Dream School</h4>
A near miss can be quite painful, and the sad fact is that some children have done extremely well for the PSLE (e.g. over 250 points), but yet still feel as if they have failed to measure up in some way. If this is your child&rsquo;s situation, please help your child to maintain a healthy perspective, and celebrate a job well done! Bear in mind that how you react will also shape how your child deals with setbacks in the future &mdash; if you focus on what could&rsquo;ve been, it&rsquo;s not helpful for your child, and diminishes what he or she has achieved. Be honest with yourself: is it your child that is disappointed, or is the disappointment originating from you?
Another potentially stressful scenario is if your child fails to make the cut for his or her affiliated school. Affiliated schools often have close-knit communities, and it is hard to leave that protective bubble. In some schools, the principal will hold a meeting for affiliates who have not met the cut-off, so that students and parents can form a support group, and perhaps even agree on an alternative school to apply for. As parents, your job here is to help your children adapt to change &mdash; find ways to get them excited about a new environment, and share your own stories of change and having to make new friends from scratch. Some kids will want to work towards returning to their affiliated school eventually, but for others, they may thrive and shine in their new school, so it&rsquo;s really about giving it a chance.
&nbsp;
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Did Badly For The PSLE? Stand By Your Kids, And They’ll Be OK

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With the start of the school year, a new journey begins.
For many entering secondary school, it is a season of learning opportunities that they have been eagerly awaiting. However, if you and your children are anxious or unhappy over the secondary school that they have been posted to, this could be a stressful period for the entire family.
How can parents better support their children during this time? Read on for practical advice from Yvonne*, a local school counsellor.
<h2>Unhappiness Over School Allocation</h2>
It&rsquo;s not uncommon for students to experience trouble settling into a secondary school. A contributing factor could be disappointment over the PSLE results. In some cases, the secondary school was chosen by the parent and not the student, and there is lingering resentment as a result.
In addition, students could be facing adjustment issues stemming from being in a new environment, with new teachers and new classmates.
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Occasionally, parents may say to their children, &ldquo;Try this secondary school, and if you can&rsquo;t take it, I will transfer you to another school.&rdquo; But if the prospect of a transfer is dim, this could backfire.
The reality is that it will not be easy to transfer your child to a different secondary school, as this is subject to your child&rsquo;s academic performance, as well as the availability of places in the desired school. According to school counsellor Yvonne:
<blockquote>
<h4>&ldquo;I would advise parents not to mention changing schools at the initial stage. First, it gives [what may turn out to be] false hope to the child, and second, it doesn&rsquo;t help the child to be more adaptable and resilient. Instead, what would be helpful is to encourage your child to get to know the new environment.&rdquo;</h4>
</blockquote>
Yvonne cites a case where a student was having trouble adjusting to her secondary school.
&ldquo;The girl was an introvert, with a history of struggling with social interaction in primary school as well. When she started secondary school, she began complaining of physical stress symptoms such as stomach discomfort, and her mother had to pick her up whenever she felt unwell. Finally, her mother told her, &lsquo;Unless you&rsquo;re having a high fever, you will have to stay in the school&rsquo;s sick bay and return to class when you feel better.&rsquo;&rdquo;
With the mother&rsquo;s support, the school was better able to work with the student to help her through the transition.
<h2>Help Your Child To Make New Friends</h2>
What can you do if your child appears to be faltering in the initial weeks of secondary school?
First, you could tell your child, &ldquo;Make the effort to get to know your secondary school and your classmates, and we&rsquo;ll go out for a treat after school.&rdquo; Or, if your child has made a new friend, you could ask, &ldquo;Why don&rsquo;t we invite your new friend out for a meal together?&rdquo;
If your child is not inclined to make the first move, you can initiate contact with other parents and their children, as a means of building your child&rsquo;s network in his or her secondary school.
Should your child feel frustrated or demoralised, let him or her know that in life, one has to go through many transitions, and that these experiences help one to grow. Tell your own story, or a story that you know of, to encourage your child to persevere.
Throughout the first year of secondary school, check in frequently with your child, as well as your child&rsquo;s teachers. Observe your child closely to see if he or she is making progress in adjusting to the school, before you decide on your next steps.
<h2>From Single-sex To Co-ed School</h2>
If your child was previously studying in a single-sex primary school, but is now moving on to a co-ed secondary school, he or she may find it awkward to interact with the opposite sex on a daily basis.
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According to school counsellor Yvonne, differing expectations and communication styles may lead to misunderstandings:
<blockquote>
<h4>&ldquo;What I&rsquo;ve observed is that when girls come into co-ed environments from single-sex schools, they can be very articulate and outspoken, as they have been brought up in a culture that encourages them to speak up. I&rsquo;ve come across boys who are surprised that their female classmates are so vocal, and this can cause some classroom friction.&rdquo;</h4>
</blockquote>
Once the initial friction is resolved, students will typically settle in without further hiccups.
&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t see as much discomfort when it comes to boy-girl interactions in secondary school, as compared to when we were growing up,&rdquo; says Yvonne. &ldquo;I think the mixed-gender playdates that parents have organised since their kids were young have helped to bridge the gender divide.&rdquo;
There are also opportunities within curriculum time, such as project work and group work, to help students adapt.
Form teachers are usually aware if students are highly introverted, or extremely uncomfortable with the opposite sex. If these students do not find a way to cope on their own, they may be referred to a school counsellor for further assistance.
On a day-to-day basis, the biggest hurdle for such students is often recess, says Yvonne.
<blockquote>
<h4>&ldquo;Recess time can be a nightmare, as these students will tend to avoid any social setting that makes them uncomfortable. One solution is to have the students spend their recess or lunch hour with the counsellors. We will then work to integrate these students into the school.&rdquo;</h4>
</blockquote>
As a parent, you may be alarmed to learn that your child has been referred to the school counsellor. But do remain positive, and support the school&rsquo;s efforts to help your child.
&ldquo;Parents can rest assured that it is in a counsellor&rsquo;s interest to work with the parents, and to ensure that what we say is in line with the parents&rsquo; values,&rdquo; says Yvonne.
<h2>Talk To Your Children About Boundaries</h2>
Some parents may disapprove of their children&rsquo;s friendships with the opposite sex. For such parents, Yvonne&rsquo;s advice is to think about the concerns and boundaries that you would like to discuss with your child.
<blockquote>
<h4>&ldquo;For instance, should a male and a female student go out alone after school, or visit each other&rsquo;s homes? Is it acceptable if they have long phone conversations? How should one behave around a member of the opposite sex?&rdquo;</h4>
</blockquote>
At the same time, Yvonne adds that parents should have &ldquo;realistic&rdquo; expectations about cross-gender friendships, as their child is now in a mixed school.
To prepare a child for a co-ed environment, it helps if the parents themselves have healthy friendships with both sexes, as children learn best by example. You could also let your children play freely in community spaces, such as playgrounds, to observe how they interact with the opposite sex.
Take heart that children are generally open to new experiences, and they may adapt more quickly than you expect.
&ldquo;A school is more than a place of academic learning. It is also a supervised place for your child to build social skills for life,&rdquo; says Yvonne. &ldquo;As a parent, you play a big part in helping your child adapt to this new phase of life.&rdquo;
*Name has been changed for privacy reasons.
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