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Did you know there are two critical periods for your child’s brain development?
The first critical period for your child’s brain is <a href="https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-ages-2-7-matter-so-much-brain-development?fbclid=IwAR2Y_QNi0MyT8Z5E--nPDCN2y5tZymusTVqbA2Xy27aiLIc85LX1I2QdmgU" target="_blank" rel="noopener">between the ages of two and 7</a>, while the second occurs during adolescence. During these phases, the number of connections between brain cells increases, which enables children to learn at an accelerated pace. This is why many parents in our KSP community are interested in preschool enrichment programmes, and rightfully so!
However, some parents are so focused on honing their children’s abilities that they overlook an equally important aspect of successful living — attitude. 
You’ve probably noticed that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who feel their capabilities are immutable, and those who believe they can learn or do anything, given sufficient time and effort. 
To raise children who will grow up to solve the world’s problems, our children must first believe in themselves, and their ability to do great — or difficult — things. Although the shaping of one’s self-concept can take a lifetime, <a href="https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/articles/teaching-content/ages-stages-how-children-develop-self-concept/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a preschooler’s sense of self</a> can set the tone for the growing years, and even adulthood.
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This is why praise is crucial during the preschool years. It’s when preschoolers are building their self-worth, and much of this is influenced by what they hear from those closest to them.
Yet, the type of praise matters too. You might think that a stock phrase like “Great job!” is positive feedback for your child, but it can <a href="https://www.alfiekohn.org/article/five-reasons-stop-saying-good-job/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">backfire</a>. Here’s why:
<ul>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">When used as a verbal reward to reinforce helping behaviours, such as tidying up the home, praise such as “Great job!” can make children feel manipulated.</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Children can become dependent on praise, to the extent that it hampers their own judgement or enjoyment of a task.</li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1">Praise can create pressure to perform — and it can lead children to withdraw from challenges.</li>
</ul>
Bearing this in mind, how should we give positive feedback to our preschoolers? Below are 10 ways to be more thoughtful about your praise.
<ol>
<li> Be specific.</li>
</ol>
If your child has dressed herself for the first time, you could say: “You put on your clothes all by yourself! You did it!” In this way, the effort that is being highlighted becomes crystal clear.
<ol start="2">
<li> Show your interest.</li>
</ol>
Instead of rushing to label everything that your child does as “good” or “great,” you can ask questions that indicate genuine interest in your child’s efforts. For instance, if your child shows you a painting, ask what the different shapes represent, or why he chose certain colours. You can also ask your child what he found challenging to draw, and what he would like to draw next.
<ol start="3">
<li> Use your child’s name when giving positive feedback.</li>
</ol>
Make a habit of using your child’s name when giving praise, because this helps in building her sense of identity and self-worth. Do note that your children will also be listening as you discuss them with others. Be sensitive about the stories that you share, and always show that you are proud of your children’s efforts.
<ol start="4">
<li> Focus on the process, not the outcome.</li>
</ol>
According to child experts, well-meaning feedback such as “great job” or “you’re so smart” can be harmful in the long run, because children accustomed to such praise may develop a fear of failure. To guard against this, focus your praise on your children’s efforts. Instead of saying “You’re such a good girl,” you could say, “I see that you’ve tidied up your room, and it looks so much neater now.”
<ol start="5">
<li> Catch your child doing something right.</li>
</ol>
It’s human nature to notice the bad, but not the good. Be mindful of this when watching over your children — if you see them doing something right without being asked, do point it out and praise them for it.
<ol start="6">
<li> Use the word “yet” to promote a growth mindset.</li>
</ol>
Show your children that you believe in them, even if they are unsure about their own capabilities. For instance, if your child makes a blanket statement such as, “I’m not good at drawing,” you can say, “You’re not good at drawing a cat yet, but you can learn to get better at it.” Help your children to see that skills are not the product of innate talent — they are acquired through a step-by-step process of learning.
<ol start="7">
<li> Don’t overpraise.</li>
</ol>
You don’t have to convince your children that they are the best at everything. It is not true, and it sets up unrealistic expectations. For instance, if your child comes to you feeling despondent about not being good enough at something, such as running, don’t say, “No, I think you’re very fast,” but rather, acknowledge the struggle, and together, come up with a plan for improvement.
<ol start="8">
<li> Instead of praise, show gratitude.</li>
</ol>
If your child does something nice for you, such as helping to bring the dirty dishes to the sink, a “thank you, that was very helpful” will suffice. It’s enough to let your child know that you appreciate his efforts, and you don’t have to go overboard with praise.
<ol start="9">
<li> Give neutral feedback.</li>
</ol>
Does your feedback to your child typically begin with “I love” or “I like?” In a way, you are bestowing a form of judgement, and this could be unhealthy in the long run. So instead of saying “I love how much effort you put into the painting,” you could keep your feedback neutral by saying, “You spent two hours on your painting. That took a long time and it was a lot of effort.”
<ol start="10">
<li> Celebrate enthusiasm.</li>
</ol>
Positive feedback doesn’t always have to be tied to accomplishment. If your child seems to be enjoying herself, it’s healthy to point that out too. You could say, “I saw that you really had fun learning to play badminton! Would you like to play more often?”
Need more preschooler advice? Learn about <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/a-surprising-way-to-prepare-your-preschooler-for-school-read-non-fiction/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a surprising way to prepare kids for school</a>.
&nbsp;

Praising A Preschooler: 10 Compliments That Beat “Great Job!”

Whether or not you agree that the year-end school holidays are <a href="https://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/year-end-school-holidays-too-long">too long</a>, it’s likely that you will feel a twinge of sadness, or even anxiety, when the holiday season finally draws to a close. What’s the best way to combat the negativity? Make sure you’ve got a game plan for the new year!
Here are some expert suggestions for supporting your child’s learning and growth when school reopens.
<img onerror="kspReplaceCdn(this)" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-81993" src="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u133359/102387740_s.jpg" alt="school reopen" width="785" height="610" srcset="https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u133359/102387740_s.jpg 785w, https://wp.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/files/u133359/102387740_s-320x249.jpg 320w" sizes="(max-width: 785px) 100vw, 785px" />
<h2>Use January to get basic routines &amp; rules in place</h2>
A teacher tip is to use the <a href="https://www.parents.com/kids/education/back-to-school/im-a-mom-and-a-teacher-here-are-things-you-need-to-know-before-your-kid-goes-back-to-school/">first week of school</a> to set the tone for the rest of the year, and one of your priorities should be bedtime. Many school-going kids in Singapore have 8.30 to 9.00pm bedtimes to ensure that they clock in about 10 hours of rest. If you find yourself always having to nag at your children before bedtime, consider putting nightly tasks on a checklist instead, and giving your children about 20 minutes (or more if needed) to get ready for bed. 
If you’ve been relaxed about screen time during the school holidays, you should have a discussion with your kids about how things will change during the school term. Should there be daily screen time, and for how long? You could have designated days for Netflix and gaming, or set a daily time limit for device use, such as 15 minutes or half an hour. Give your children the opportunity to negotiate the terms with you, as well as the responsibility of tracking their own screen time, by setting a timer. (Find out why <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/less-technology-not-more-say-some-families/">parents who work in technology</a> have stricter screen-time rules.)
<h2>Learn to communicate better with teachers</h2>
Although you may only meet face-to-face with teachers once or twice during the school year, it’s now exceedingly easy to reach them via apps like ClassDojo. Yet, parents tend to only reach out when there is a problem, laments a local secondary school teacher. “When a teacher is perceived to have made a mistake, parents may go to the extent of contacting the department heads and the principal,” he says. “But when a teacher does well, praise tends to remain private, perhaps among a small group of parents, and it may not even be communicated to the teacher. I think teachers would appreciate hearing positive feedback once in a while.”
When seeking a teacher’s advice, aim to make your questions as specific as possible, so that a teacher is clear on how best to assist you. For instance, you can ask questions such as, “How much time should a child be spending on this piece of work?” or “My child is unsure about how to revise for the upcoming test — do you have some suggestions that she could follow?” If you are responsible for tutoring your child, you can seek the teacher’s advice on the methods and materials that you are using. Teachers will be quick to let you know if your sources contain inaccurate information, or deviate from what the school is teaching. 
If your child needs encouragement in school, don’t hesitate to let his or her teachers know. Struggling students especially will benefit from <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/06/your-money/how-to-give-effective-feedback-both-positive-and-negative.html">positive feedback</a> as well as other forms of validation. (Find out more about the <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/get-better-answers-from-teachers-3-questions-to-ask/">questions</a> that will elicit useful responses from teachers.)
<h2>Teach your child study hacks </h2>
Have you heard about “immersion reading?” That’s just a fancy term for listening to an audiobook while reading the printed text at the same time. It’s recommended for <a href="http://www.englishteachermelanie.com/english-immersion-reading-a-powerful-and-effective-way-to-learn/">second language learners</a>, but it can also benefit struggling readers, as well as students who need to read texts that they may find boring or challenging, such as Shakespeare. This is just one of many study hacks that your child can use to transform the learning experience.
Other tried-and-tested hacks include playing instrumental music to help with concentration, watching a compelling documentary to bring a textbook topic to life, and limiting study sessions to 30 minutes to maximise retention and combat fatigue. (Read about the <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/5-study-strategies-that-every-student-should-use/">study strategies</a> that every student should know, as well as <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/make-last-minute-revision-count/">last-minute revision strategies</a> that work.)
<h2>A parent’s initiative can go a long way</h2>
In his bestselling book “Outliers: The Story Of Success,” Canadian journalist Malcolm Gladwell debunks the myth that success is entirely driven by individual merit — people tend to believe that successful individuals achieve excellence primarily because of their exceptional ability. Instead, he suggests that success results from a “predictable and powerful set of circumstances and opportunities.” In other words, one’s upbringing has a lot to do with one’s success potential, and according to Gladwell, parents can play a pivotal role in their children’s success through “concerted cultivation,” where they actively build on their children’s strengths and interests. (The opposite would be a parent who believes that children should be left to their own devices to develop naturally.) 
Gladwell uses a hockey player analogy to illustrate how this might work:
“Success is the result of what sociologists like to call ‘accumulative advantage.’ The professional hockey player starts out a little bit better than his peers. And that little difference leads to an opportunity that makes that difference a bit bigger, and that edge in turn leads to another opportunity, which makes the initially small difference bigger still — and on and on until the hockey player is a genuine outlier. But he didn’t start out an outlier. He started out just a little bit better.”
What does this mean in the school context? Here’s an example: students representing their school in a sport or an activity will definitely get more practice and have access to better coaching, compared to those who aren’t. This matters if your child has recently developed an interest that he or she is keen to pursue. If an external coach has been hired by the school, it doesn’t hurt to make contact and seek advice on what your child can do next. 
Similarly, some students may be keen on exposure opportunities that are not offered by their school, such as <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/model-united-nations-a-secondary-1-student-shares-her-experience/">Model United Nations</a>. This is where you can plug the gap, by looking for an event that your child can join, and helping him or her with the registration process.
<h2>Be open to connecting with other parents</h2>
You’ve probably heard the horror stories about school WhatsApp chatgroups, and it’s become a trend to mock or turn up one’s nose at them. However, close the door to these groups and you may be missing out on valuable opportunities for community building and friendship. If you are new to a school, other parents can provide reassuring advice or assistance, especially at the start of the year. If your child is interested in a particular sport or activity, an experienced parent can give you the insider’s scoop on co-curricular activities, coaching, and any apparatus or gear that you might need to purchase. If you have a shy or introverted child, bringing him or her along to class-organised gatherings — invites are usually posted on the chats — may help to foster a sense of familiarity, if not closeness. (Read our article on making <a href="https://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/article/how-to-survive-class-whatsapp-groups/">class WhatsApp groups</a> work for you.) 
Have a child entering Primary One? Read a <a href="https://www.schoolbag.sg/story/5-things-you-can-do-to-help-your-child-survive-p1">school principal’s advice</a> on helping your child to thrive in school.