Is your teen happy with the secondary school they’ve been posted to?

Once again, we’ve heard about P6 students who failed to land a spot in their desired secondary schools. Some parents have speculated that there were more unexpected school posting outcomes in 2024, due to a larger cohort and more competition for spaces. The Ministry of Education has said that posting outcomes were “comparable” to previous years, with 80 percent of students being posted to at least a third-choice school. 

If your teen was less fortunate in this regard, we urge you to support them as they ready themselves for the new school year. Teens may not want to discuss their feelings and fears about school, but there are other ways to help them feel calmer and more confident. 

Below, we talk about how you can show up for your teen, especially in the first days, or even weeks, of the new school term.

Don’t Provide False Hope

You may think it’s comforting to your teen if you say: “Try this secondary school, and if you can’t take it, I will transfer you to another school.” 

However, the reality is that it will not be easy to transfer your teen to a different secondary school. This is because transfers are subject to your teen’s academic performance, as well as the availability of places in the desired school. We’ve previously spoken to a school counsellor, who has advised that talking about school transfers could backfire on two fronts: first, you’re making a commitment that you may not be able to honour, and second, such comments don’t help your child to be adaptable or resilient. 

For the beginning of the school year, it would set a more positive tone if you could encourage your teen to get to know the new environment. 

Set Anchoring Routines at Home

If your teen is going to a school where they will hardly know anyone, they will be facing a new social environment, alongside having to get used to a new school location and building, as well as a new curriculum, and possibly, a new co-curricular activity. 

This can be a lot to process — for parents, a parallel situation might be adjusting to a new workplace or job scope.

If you already have family routines in place, like sitting together at the dinner table every night, or watching a favourite TV series together, these can provide stability and comfort for your teen during periods of transition. If you don’t have these routines, try to set up something simple, be it a daily evening walk at a nearby park, playing a favourite sport together, or a meal out on weekends.

Accompany Your Teen to School

When school begins, you can show moral support for your teen by accompanying them to school, whether it’s giving them a ride or taking public transport with them, at least for part of the journey. During this time, keep the conversation light and refrain from giving instructions. 

While your teen is in school, you can also check in with them over text — send affirming messages or interesting posts to remind them that you are thinking of them. To be less direct, you can also post stories on your own WhatsApp or social media accounts, for your teen to check at leisure.

Support Your Teen’s Friendships

If your teen has a close friend, it may help if they can have an online meeting after school, to chat or game together. This will be a chance for them to decompress and share their feelings, in a way that they may not be able to with family members. If you know the family of your teen’s friends, you can also facilitate get-togethers on weekends, so that your teen doesn’t lose touch with their previous network.

Teens who are more introverted may find it difficult to approach others and develop new friendships. If you are more outgoing, you can attend school events and get to know other parents and their children, to help build your teen’s network in this initial phase. Sports like badminton or table tennis can be good ice-breaker activities that you can arrange for a larger group. 

These days, many schools also have recreation or games rooms — encourage your teen to pop in to see if there’s something going on that they can join.

Get to Know Your Teen’s Teachers

Compared to primary school, you will probably communicate less frequently with your teen’s teachers in secondary school. However, it’s still good to make contact and introduce yourself to your teen’s form teachers, as well as find out their preferred communication platforms. For some do’s and don’ts when it comes to messaging teachers, read our guide.

One tip for the new school term: refrain from revealing too much about your teen, unless you are asked specific questions. This gives your teen a chance to begin on a clean slate, and forge a fresh identity in a new environment.

Seek Help if Needed

If you see that your teen is dreading school, or showing signs of school refusal, do alert your teen’s form teachers, as well as the school counsellor. 

Your teen’s form teachers can help by pairing your teen with a buddy; some teachers are particularly attuned to the personality types that go together well. A school counsellor can also help teens by sitting with them at recess, or teaching them coping tips to deal with uncomfortable school situations. 

On your part, you can reassure your teen that transitions are part of our growth. Tell your own stories of adapting to new places, how you dealt with challenging situations, and what you’ve gained. 

Need more secondary school advice? We address parents’ biggest concerns in our Getting Ready for Sec 1 Life guide!